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Tuesday, April 24, 2007

HUMOR - DONT TOUCH ME

Don't Touch Me
*** 
An elderly couple are both lying in bed one morning, having just awakened from a good night's sleep. He takes her hand and she responds, "Don't touch me".
"Why not", he asks.
She answers back, "Because I'm dead".
The husband says to her, "What are you talking about? We're both lying here in bed together and talking to one another".
The wife says, "No, I'm definitely dead."
Her husband insists, "You're not dead. What in the world makes you think you're dead?"
His wife answers, "I know I'm dead because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts!

Sunday, April 22, 2007

HUMOR - WIFES HEARING TEST


WIFE'S HEARING TEST

A man feared his wife was not hearing as well as she used to, and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem.
The doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
"Here's what you do," said the doctor. "Stand about 40 feet away from her and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you.
If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away. Let's see what happens."
In a normal tone he asks, Honey, what's for dinner?" No response.
So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife, and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?" Still no response.
Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, What's for dinner?" Again, no response.
So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away."Honey, What's for dinner?"
Again, there is no response.
So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?"
"Earl, for the 5th time, CHICKEN."

Posted: Apr 22, 2007

HUMOR - CANDY DISPENSER


Candy Dispenser 


While I was visiting my sister one evening, I took out a candy dispenser that was shaped like a miniature person. "How does that thing work?" she asked.
As I turned the figurine's arm to pop candy out, my sister laughed. "I see ... it's a lot like my husband," she said. "You have to twist his arm to get anything out of him."